Update: Drs Appointment

OK, so I mentioned I had a Drs appointment yesterday.

I'd actually been needing to go since November/December, but... I can't make appts because I can't use the phone, so Mr has to. Mr forgets to do things and has to be motivated constantly. Because I didn't want to go to the Drs, I haven't been reminding or motivating him. Yeh, vicious cycle. Anyway, on Thursday, when I was barely recovering from the work-focused interview, Mr informed me he was phoning the Drs on Friday. I hoped, for a future appt. He said no, for an appt on Friday. I had a wee breakdown... I agreed tho, just to get it over and done with.

It actually went well, we have a good Dr to talk with.


I've still got The Itch. Did I mention it got rediagnosed as Chronic Vulvitus? Or something like that. I was on a very potent steroid cream for 6 weeks; then a potent steroid cream for 6 weeks; and then it felt a bit better for a short while. Then I tried the hydrocortisone cream, and it made it itchier. Then I got confused. I was getting progressively more itchy, so had 2 weeks back on the potent steroid cream. My Dr has now prescribed me a moderate strength steroid cream, which I will use for 2 weeks before trying... errr... a nappy rash cream. Fun, hey?! I have shown improvements on the steroids. I mean, the very potent one made the skin very fragile and sore, on my thighs as well as my vulva. That improved on the potent one, and I've started to produce natural lubricant again. I think we're making progress, it's just working out how best to manage it now.


And... I am now on an antidepressant. Citalopram, to be precise. I've considered them for years. But I was too young, and homeopathy helped, and I simply didn't want to. I've been scared of losing my emotions, losing my libido, and a million other things. When they were given to me, I felt the weight of the stigma attached to them land on my shoulders. But I feel proud that I'm taking them. It feels like the most grown up decision I've ever made, because I'm actually trying to take control of my life. I feel positive about it.

The most difficult thing about it is that it sorta means delaying starting a family. That is really, really hard to deal with. Especially as we haven't used contraception/been careful since late 2011, and now we have to be somewhat careful again... I don't want to be on this long term, I'm hoping within a year I will be strong enough to manage without it, and then we can start TTC properly. But noone but our Dr and my homeopath knew we wanted to start a family, so noone knows how hard this is...

It's also not advised to take Ibuprofen with it, so I'm going to have to be super strict with that - I can't imagine getting through the first few hours of period pain without it, so we'll see how it goes. The Dr didn't mention my Dihydrocodeine though, so I assume that's ok!

As for the reason we've eventually taken this plunge with an antidepressant? Well... I am sick of feeling so overwhelmed, suicidal, unable to cope. Mr is struggling to deal with my hours of screaming/crying/shut down every day, and he needs something to stabilise my emotions. The reason my mental health has got so severe? ESA. Work focused interviews. Medicals. Appeals. Tribunals. Brown envelopes. Just hearing the letterbox go gives me a mini panic attack now.

I pray these tablets are worth delaying our family for. I pray they help me. I pray I can take control of myself again. And I pray that an improvement in my mental health won't mean they class me fit for work, because my physical health is still more severe when people realise.

 

Homeopathic Aggravation

Last year I had to battle to keep my NHS homeopathy, due to large funding cuts. I won, but I now see a different Dr. Initially, this scared me, but it has actually been brilliant. My former homeopath had pretty much given up trying to improve my health, and was starting to try and encourage me to do GET etc - not good. My new homeopath is wonderful, and is pushing to try and find a remedy which fits me perfectly. So, last weekend I moved from Pulsatilla LM6, to Gelsemium LM2. And I have gone down hill ever since... It started with a mild headache and nausea. Over the last week the headache has got worse. I have developed more jaw ache. Painful glands under my jaw. Earache. Sore throat. Sore neck and shoulders. All primarily on my left hand side... Last night I felt very ill. I didn't take the remedy, I was too scared. I didn't know if it was coincidence and I had a virus; if the homeopathy was making me worse before making me better; or just making me worse...! My homeopath is only in office on Mondays, but I was able to get hold of his GP surgery and contact him. He phoned me back and offered a plan of action. Stop the Gelsemium for a week, as it has obviously aggravated me. Then start it again, but dilute it in water so it is not as strong, and see how it goes.

From my limited knowledge, the aggravation means that this remedy could work very well for me. But obviously reacting this strongly is not good. Let's see how it goes from here...


Oh, and talking about medication. The gynea has moved me from clotrimazole (as she believes there is no thrush, only chronic vulva irritation) to 12 weeks of very strong steroid creams. So far, so good... I am also now washing with aqueous cream, which I think is helped moisturise down there :)

Anyway, here's hoping I feel better pretty damn soon...!