DLA prep 2.

Bit of a misleading title since we haven't managed any the last couple of days. Monday's pounding headache hasn't truly disappeared, we've been living off takeaways and our house is a mess. Carer (mother in law) coming tomorrow though.

My anxiety is a mess. It's not because of my new homeopathy remedy, it's simply life is so severe I can't cope. Don't want to cope. Crying, constantly. It's too difficult.

DLA tribunal in 4 days.

ESA form turning up at any point.

Too ill for my dreams.

I wish the DWP/government/Atos/people who make the decisions could understand how very ill the process makes me. How I'm a trembling crying wreck for weeks at a time and it's all their fault.

I don't even think they'll believe I'm ill.

Please excuse the brief post.

I've had a crazy busy day and am insanely tired!

Mr had his DLA medical today. It went so much better than his ESA one! For starters, it was at home, so no dealing with taxis and waiting around.

The Dr turned up an hour early - I expected him to, so as to catch us unawares. Of course, catching people out only works when there is something to be caught out, and we have nothing to hide. We were resting in bed when he arrived, and my mother in law was doing housework downstairs - pretty typical day!

He was a nice man. You never know how much they take in, and afterwards you remember how much you didn't say, but at least we weren't treated nastily, and Mr was able to stop the physical examination when it got too much. (With his ESA medical he was told if he didn't do everything he would be called back again and again until he did.)



I feel angry and hurt by the Government and the media atm. They are discriminating against disabled people. People need to realise that one day they may become permanently disabled and dependent on benefits.

The reality of Welfare Rights funding cuts...

... and why we won't return to the CAB.

Mr phoned Welfare Rights this morning. They've been with us since June, when we stumbled across them whilst looking for support for Mr's ESA claim. They invited us in and talked through our finances and benefits claims; and since then have phoned us occasionally to see how things are going for us. Despite being a government organisation, they have felt the most concerned for our welfare.

Over the phone, they were able to give Mr advice on his medical this week, just grounding him in how to approach it, really.

Mr asked about a representative for my DLA tribunal... We can go in nearer the time and have some help preparing, but there is no longer funding to provide a representative to tribunals. And this is where the funding cuts hit the poor and disabled first.


The only suggestion given was to go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau. Sadly, this just isn't an option for us. Aside from the fact that appointments at our local CAB are gold dust (the only time we went, we booked an appointment, but only got in the door because someone had forgotten to lock it, and were then forced to sit there for 3 hours), the quality of the service is... dare I say it... unacceptable? Please don't shout at me, I am fully aware it's volunteer based, and I am sure there are many caring, knowledgable and supportive volunteers... I just haven't met one yet.

We first used a CAB for Mr's ESA tribunal (for his first claim - he's claimed twice now), and the lady we had there barely believed he was ill, and instead of basing the tribunal argument on his serious health conditions, she was encouraging him to lie about being suicidal or having uncontrollable anger. We were not prepared to lie, his health says it all, and thanks to her we lost the tribunal.

We went to a CAB again when we moved in together (which is when we snuck in through the unlocked door...!) and wanted to know what we were entitled to. They informed us that because I was on Incapactiy Benefit we couldn't get any other income related help. We lived off £106 a week for over a year, until Welfare Rights came on the scene, and informed us we were entitled to an Income Support top up, bringing our income to a point that we can actually survive. (We managed to get 3 months back payment after some strongly worded letters about the CAB, but we still lost a year's worth of Income Support, and we lost our savings, since we had to use them to survive.)


And so, thanks to funding cuts, we shall be making our health worse, to fight for DLA, which is about to be revamped and probably taken away from us anyway, just so we have a little bit of money left over when we've paid all the bills.

"Something for something" & DLA contd

You may have heard the Government's latest mantra mentioned on both BBC and Guardian, "something for something".

It works around the concept that to receive benefits you must give something. Even when disabled. Whether this "something" consists of volunteering or working remains to be seen.

And, if like me and Mr you are simply too ill to work? Well. We obviously have no value in society. If we can prove our invisible disabilities are real and serious, and that we're not just "workshy", we might get basic support. But we know what it's like to prove to the benefits system that you're ill when you don't fit into tick boxes.

I have never hated this country more than since it became a ConDemned nation. Being disabled is one of the most difficult trials, more than a healthy person could understand. Add in the concept of being scum and a drain on society; add in benefit forms, medicals, appeals and tribunals; add in Atos and this horrific Government... And you're just left wondering what the point is.


Yesterdays post consisted of 2 more DLA letters. One for me - looks like they don't believe I'm as ill as I am, since they're sending me straight to tribunal without a medical. And I don't even have an ME specialist letter to help my case, since they want me to have group therapy rather than see a specialist. Its only been 11 years, I think I know how to manage my condition thank you very much. I just need some medical support behind me. Especially when my dr denied my need for care when they wrote to her. Anyone wish to scream with me?

And the second letter? Mr has a home medical next week. That crushing weight became heavier. I am living proof that the benefits system makes your health worse. When we don't have a battle on I can keep my stress and anxiety under control. Benefits battles make those symptoms flare up for weeks/months at a time, which in turn makes my health worse and takes me further away from recovery.

As does every new mantra against disabled people, every scheme against us, and every comment that belittles the horrificness of this process.